kindest girls you were to answer, and a special thanks to my new supporters, You guys are great, good humor make me go back every day:)
I know that you are only virtual friends, but knowing that there is someone over this computer that is in the flesh and try to understand what really makes you feel good. More relaxed, almost as if it mattered more what's going bad, because I'm not completely alone in this.
So thanks.
Today I was pretty good, two cans of tuna for lunch and dinner without oil a bit 'chicken and potatoes in the morning at school we had a couple of hours of physical education course.
course I was among the last, but made me feel good running.
For the first time in years, not hated my body, I liked that there was with me, and my legs hold up, and my chest hurt, and I miss your breath away.
It 's weird, I have always hated everything that reminded me of the existence of my body, but not today, for the first time I can recall, mind and body were one.
and was fine. In fact
mind and body are the same, but (as I found to be normal among people with depression and eating disorders) I do really hard to perceive them as something united, dependent on each other.
really remember when I felt good tennis, I felt that all that mass that was my body finally needed something, not skinny shoulders helped me well in that sport.
But the race is different. Look
really exist, to be there, panting like an enormous elephant, but at the same time you are free and invisible.
's beautiful.
Now, move on, they began to write and study tasks, uff, but come on, at least I can get back on my game and show that even though I was rejected this year I can recall.
I made friends with new people, and I am quite happy ... ... at this point in my life.
are now accustomed to the fact that the greatest happiness for me means moving from a catatonic state, such as unconsciousness, like drunken state of sadness and moments of anxiety when I would put ranicchiata ground in a corner of class, rocking back and forth as the patients of psychiatric centers, and then moments are rather peaceful.
But how do I live in it myself?
Perhaps it is the force of habit.
If a person suddenly happen inside of me (like those movies in which exchange of body, but in this case would be an even exchange of emotions and mental) probably would not support this, but the fact that we have come slowly I made it more acceptable.
Finally I say that cigarettes are helping me a lot, I know that smoking is bad and blah blah blah, but at least I can eat less and go to school in the morning.
"I saw the best minds of my generation, destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked, dragging themselves through the streets at dawn looking for angry fix. "
Allen Ginsberg
What thin.
